My Muddy Existence.

I counted the months until I left for college the day I started my senior year of high school.  I counted the weeks I had left of work before I moved to my new home.  Then I counted the days left I have with you.  And though each day is slow, they still became yesterdays too fast.

Majority of my close friends already left for their new lives.   And I’ve been here, waiting till I get the chance to do the same.  I am ready for college and I’d like to say I’m ready to leave.  But I’m not.  I still have so much I want to do here.  But tomorrow is the last full day I have left in this town.  And I wish I could have it all back.  I wanted to pray to my god to let me go back and relive the past year, because knowing what I know now….  this day exactly one year ago could have changed my life.  I could have been so much happier, and suffered less throughout the days I so dearly dreaded in the past year.  But… I guess things do happen for a reason, and I would have been selfish to ask for such a gesture from my god.  I just hope that everything that happened, didn’t happen in vain.

I wish I could tell you I’ve learned something profound this summer, and I wish I could share with you an amazing story.  But I can’t.  I can only say that leaving here is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  And all the days I counted, I wish I could count in reverse.  Because I’d love to relive each day we spent together.

Now I’m on the brink of leaving this all behind.  But I guess I’m not really leaving anything.  It’s all coming with me in my heart.  And I know I’ll cherish every moment I did get to spend with you.  All of you.

I love you.

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